TRIGGER WARNING – Some readers may find this content upsetting to read. Reader discretion is advised.
No idea where to start really but here goes…
Hi my name is Alex and I’m 37 years old and live in West Sussex.
All my late teens and adulthood I’ve had bad anxiety and panic attacks so much so that I have been unable to venture far from my home and as a result have always had bouts of depression and chronic IBS.
We wanted to start a family but due to my anxiety and almost complete inability to travel more than 10-15mins from my home, this was a huge worry for me but I was determined to try. I lost our first baby to a missed miscarriage 3months into the pregnancy and feel into deeper depression and for over a year I couldn’t consider trying again. The dark cloud that followed me in every aspect of my life was all consuming.
I couldn’t hold down a job, couldn’t go on day trips, no holidays… basically no self worth at all.
I felt occasionally suicidal and generally hated my life and who I had become. I eventually found the courage to try for a baby again and we do now have an argumentative, beautiful and cleaver (now 2 year old) boy. I struggled terribly with postnatal depression for over a year and found it extremely difficult to love and feel that bond with my baby boy and as a woman it’s very hard to admit that out loud (or online) with out feeling ashamed but every day I pushed through wit the help of family and friends and now the bad days are much fewer and we have a good bond to build on. Some days are still hard and motherhood hasn’t come naturally to me but I think i can say I’m a good mum and our boy is very loved.
That’s just a slice of the journey so far but the main point of my entry is that having a creative outlet has always helped me with my depression and anxiety and it takes me out of my self especially if your confined as I am. For years (in my youth) I trained as a professional dancer / performer but more and more confidence knocks came and went so I stopped dancing professionally and I’ve taught children of all ages & adults since I was around 20 years old which I love to do as well.
I’ve tried loads of crafts such as colouring, knitting, metal stamping, resin and loads more… I’m not great at any of it but enjoy the time to my self.
When I started looking into peoples accounts that would pop up on insta with gorgeous cakes and piping designs I thought I’d like to try it. I followed more accounts and watch many vids. I wanted to give it a go & I was waiting for my birthday to ask family and friends to chip in for Janes course & Being gifted the beginners course was a game changer for me as I’m always so broke due to not being able to hold down a “normal” job and having a toddler to care for.
I wanted an outlet for myself but also an income. Only been piping for around 3/4 weeks and I’m loving it.
The gratification I get from triumphing over a new flower is such a buzz and then to get people liking and commenting on my social media gives me a sense of pride I’ve not felt for years.
It’s helping with my self worth, my bond with my boy and my confidence that I do have worth and that I can do/achieve something to be proud of.
Still so much to learn and I need a lot of practice but I’m on my way and go to bed planning buttercream dreams 🙂
Thanks for reading xx
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